Tag Archives: Depression

Without a Wound?

I don’t usually reblog stuff. There is enough bouncing around in my own head that needs to get out onto my blog. But I just reread Without a Wound? on the Broken Believers blog. I cry every time I read it. This thought that “Without your wound where would your power be?” is so powerful. This post could easily have been the preface to Light in My Darkness.

If you are wounded or in darkness, read this post and find meaning in your struggles.

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Darkness to Light – Take Two

The prompt over at dVerse Poets Pub today is to think of our words as seeds and to consider what we want to grow from what we write. I decided to share a revised version of a poem I wrote almost three years ago. I recently submitted the original version to a poetry contest, and although I did not make it into the final round I received some great feedback, so I decided to incorporate that feedback into this version.

What I hope will grow from these seeds are encouragement, hope, and faith for at least one person who is struggling today with the darkness of depression.

Darkness to Light—Take Two

Darkness surrounded me
Darkness invaded my mind
Darkness enveloped my barren soul

In the darkness
The evil one whispered
Thoughts that seemed my own
They’d be blessed without me
It would be better if I was dead

Tears drowned me
Tears flooded my mind
Tears drenched my barren soul

Through the tears
The evil one whispered
Thoughts I believed were true
I am broken beyond repair
These tears will never end

Pain ensnared me
Pain clouded my mind
Pain threatened my barren soul

Amplifying the pain
The evil one whispered
Thoughts I was powerless to deny
This pain will forever cripple me
I will never know joy

Then God’s Light
Pierced the darkness
Illuminating my soul
Revealing the sin in my mind
Proclaiming the way for me

Forgive Jesus whispered
As I’ve forgiven you
Your darkness will subside
His words are true

Then God’s Love
Dried all my tears
Infusing my soul with joy
Clarifying truth in my mind
Declaring healing for me

Live Jesus whispered
As I live in you
Your tears will be dried
His words are true

Then God’s Truth
Erased my pain
Protecting my soul
Clearing lies from my mind
Redeeming my life for me

Love Jesus whispered
As I forever love you
Your pain will be decried
His words are true

Darkness, tears, and pain
Replaced by my Savior’s
Light, Love, and Truth
Holding me forevermore
He is my Light

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Unheard – A Sedoka (Sort of)

The deafening sound
of a cry unheard, silenced
‘ere it had a chance at life

Echoes whispering
in a mother’s heart and soul
aching to hear what’s unheard

* * * * *

2/25/14 Update: Shared this for dVerse Poets Pub Open Link Night today because I haven’t had time to write a new poem for today.

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Broken Heart of Love – A Poem

Broken Heart of Love

This searing pain in my heart
I wish it would go away
I pray for it to leave me
But it is love
I would be hollow without it

I watch you drowning
in a sea of turmoil and fear
I reach out my hand,
the one connected to my broken heart
“It’s okay, the sailing’s fine,” you say

I walk away, thinking perhaps
My eyes deceive me and you are not
drowning, or else why
would you say otherwise?
I know you would not lie

But still this pain
deep down inside my aching heart
reminds me
that you are not fine,
the sea is not calm

The storm rages
but I cannot rescue you
You cannot see my hand
reaching through the darkness
beckoning you to dry land

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Linda Kruschke:

I don’t usually reblog posts from other blogs, but this one really touched me today. Bryan Lowe has written a great many encouraging and helpful posts, this is but one. I always appreciate his perspective as one who struggles himself with bipolar disorder and some anxiety issues as well. He shares today from what he knows of another great writer who shared from what he knew of the spiritual and emotional battle many face.

Originally posted on Broken Believers ♥:

martin_luther2 (1)Martin’s Depression

The hymn A Mighty FortressIs Our God gloriously celebrates God’s power. It was penned by the great 16th-century reformer Martin Luther, who believed God’s power could help believers overcome great difficulties — even depression. Given his pastoral heart, he sought to bring spiritual counsel to struggling souls. His compassion for those souls shines in numerous places, including his sermons, lectures, Bible commentaries and ‘table talks’. In addition, he devoted many letters to counseling troubled folk.

Luther’s writings reveal his knowledge of various emotional difficulties. For example, in August 1536 he interceded for a woman named Mrs. Kreuzbinder, whom he deemed insane. He described her as being “accustomed to rage” and sometimes angrily chasing her neighbor with a spear.

In addition, Luther’s wife, Kate, struggled with pervasive and persistent worry indicative of generalized anxiety disorder. Prince Joachim of Anhalt, to whom Luther often wrote, exhibited signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder

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Not Better Off Dead – A Poem

The Poetics prompt at dVerse Poets Pub today is to write about a first time for something. I thought of something that I have only done once, and am thankful I’ve never had happen again. But there are people who have had this happen so many times they maybe can’t even remember the first time. My prayers are with them, my hope that they recognize the lie.

Not Better Off Dead

Clearly I recall the first time
the thought entered my mind
They’d be better off if I was dead

I immediately knew it was wrong
but still a method to my madness
began to form in the recesses of
my deeply troubled mind

I could picture the bottle of pills
designed to make me better
but could just as easily
be my demise

Then they’d be free, I’d be free

The Psalmist wrote
The angel of the LORD encamps around
those who fear him, and he delivers them

That first time His angel
was encamped around me

He delivered me from that first thought
made me know it was wrong
ensured it was the last time
that thought ever entered my mind

Now we are free and together
because the Lord let me know
I was not better off dead

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Confession – A Villanelle

Several months ago (or maybe longer) the Form for All lesson at dVerse Poets Pub was on the villanelle form. At the time is seemed too hard and so I didn’t try writing one. But my poetry knowledge and skill has come a long way since then. I’ve written triolets and pantoums, other challenging forms that are characterized by repetitive patterns.

Last week I posted my pantoum Psalm for My Savior at Broken Believers blog, and Bryan Lowe added a link to the Wikipedia article on pantoums. I clicked the link to read the article, and from there I clicked a link to an article on villanelles. As I read about this intriguing form, I decided I wanted to try it. I wrote my first one, Wedding Bells, for last Saturday in celebration of my nephew’s wedding. This poem is my second attempt on a topic that has been on my mind lately.

I decided to offer this poem for Open Link Night at dVerse Poets Pub. If you haven’t been to dVerse before, I urge you to check out all the wonderful poetry offered there.

Confession

Light shines in the darkness
Faintly I see His light
My need I will confess

Toward the light I press
Keeping hope in my sight
Light shines in the darkness

Despair my soul’s distress
Entangled in the night
My need I will confess

His grace I will profess
Giving me strength to fight
Light shines in the darkness

I feel anguish oppress
Crushing with all its might
My need I will confess

Feeling His love’s caress
Compassion burning bright
Light shines in the darkness
My need I will confess

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Psalm for My Savior – A Pantoum

The other day I wrote a triolet and my dear blogging friend Deb, of Deb’s Blog, commented that it was very Psalm-like. It got me thinking about writing another triolet inspired by my favorite Psalm 116. But when I started writing I realized the triolet wasn’t really long enough to adequately express the subject of the Psalm-like poem I had in mind. Then I thought of the pantoum form, another of my favorites. Like the triolet, the pantoum has a set pattern of repeated lines. Both forms work wonderfully for Christian poetry. I hope you are blessed by this pantoum.

Psalm for My Savior

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death
The anguish of death and darkness entangled me
I called on the name of the Lord: “O Lord, save me!”
Praise my God, my Savior who came to my rescue

The anguish of death and darkness entangled me
My eyes filled with tears, my feet stumbled under me
Praise my God, my Savior who came to my rescue
Rescued me from my trouble, sorrow, and darkness deep

My eyes filled with tears, my feet stumbled under me
The Lord, my God, heard my cry for love and mercy
Rescued me from my trouble, sorrow, and darkness deep
Now I know His grace and mercy are mine to keep

The Lord, my God, heard my cry for love and mercy
He saw the anguished turmoil of my broken soul
Now I know His grace and mercy are mine to keep
I will forever praise His glorious name, Jesus

He saw the anguished turmoil of my broken soul
I called on the name of the Lord: “O Lord, save me!”
I will forever praise His glorious name, Jesus
For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death

This Psalm was my offering over at dVerse Poets Pub Open Link Night #47. Head over and check out some other great poetry.

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Good Advice Not Followed – My Tuesday Three

A quote from Alice in Wonderland came to mind yesterday, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I decided to check the accuracy of my quote, and discovered that the way I remembered it must have been from a cartoon or movie. Here is how the quote appears in the original book Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, chapter 1:

‘Come, there’s no use in crying like that!’ said Alice to herself, rather sharply; ‘I advise you to leave off this minute!’ She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it). . .

The more this quote kept coming to mind as “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it,” I wondered why I couldn’t let it got and decided there must be a blog post in it somewhere.

That is when I realized that I have not been following my own good advice lately, and I have been feeling a bit blue as a result. I decided that for My Tuesday Three I would share three pieces of advice that I have given to myself and to my blog readers, but that I have not been following of late.

I suppose this post is really more for me than for all of you, to get me back on track and perhaps following my advice (which is really Jesus’ advice). But perhaps it will help someone else to see how good advice not followed is no use at all. It certainly got Alice into trouble, and so let this be a reminder to us all to follow good advice lest we get lost down a rabbit hole full of totally nutty creatures.

The first piece of advice that I have not been following is to regularly read and memorize scripture. Of course, I have my favorites that are memorized, and I at least read a Psalm every week when I post one for Psalm Sunday. But I am way behind in my Bible-in-a-year schedule. I know I should set aside at least 15 to 30 minutes a day to read my Bible, but I get distracted by other things and it is hard to find a quiet place to read. I try to read when I crawl in bed at night, but my eyes get droopy and I don’t get very far. Besides, that kind of reading isn’t very conducive to really meditating on and soaking in scripture.

The second piece of advice that I have not been following is to forgive others, especially the little everyday annoyances. Various people have been annoying me lately (I won’t name any names), and I’ve been hanging onto that annoyance instead of forgiving and letting it go. I’m familiar with Jesus’ teaching on dealing with a fellow Christian who has sinned against you and the parable of the unmerciful servant. See Matthew 18:15-35 (NIV). But I haven’t always been doing as Jesus commanded. I know holding a grudge is what fueled my major depression, and is probably what is making me feel blue lately.

The third piece of advice that I have not been following is to listen to the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26 (NIV). I’ve been hearing His voice lately, reminding me to spend more time in scripture, to forgive, to not be anxious about things, and to put on the whole armor of God. But I haven’t been heeding His voice. I’ve sort of been saying, “Yeah, yeah, I know,” in that tone you usually only get from teenagers and hate to hear.

On the positive side, however, I have maintained my regular prayer time, and that connection with God is the thing that has been keeping my head above water. If only I would follow my own good advice on these other habits, I’d be walking on water – just like Peter.

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Outside the Darkness Is Color – A Poem

I wasn’t sure what to write today, so I decided to check out the dVerse Poets Pub writing prompt for today. The Saturday prompt has led me to a few good poems in the past, so I thought I’d give it a try again.

The prompt today is to write a poem that has something to do with color, to Play with Color. One part of Victoria’s post caught my attention: “Color depends on light, because it is made of light. In the absence of light, we do not see color.”

Outside the Darkness Is Color

Living in darkness
no color I see
a hint of deep blue
maybe red
but no, only blackness

Tears flood the darkness
trying to wash away
the blackness
to reveal the color
I know must be near

I’ve heard stories
of vibrant yellow sunshine
smiling green trees
happiness in rainbows
streaming across
a pale blue sky

But in the darkness
these colors
are but myths
draped in blackness
obscured by
the pain I feel

Then suddenly
the Light comes
dim colors
revealed to my eyes
for my heart to see

The Light
drawn by my tears
came to wash away
the blackness
tears alone
could never heal

The colors of
my world brighten
day by day
as the Light illuminates
the truth of colors
that were always
just outside the darkness

“Land of Zebulun and land of Naphtali,
   the way to the sea, along the Jordan,
   Galilee of the Gentiles—
the people living in darkness
   have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
   a light has dawned.”
Matthew 4:15-16 (NIV).

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