From Grace Comes Hope – A Quintet of Cinquains

Without
the grace of God
I would be lost, alone
life itself quite impossible
hopeless

Without
the love of God
I would be unloving
my life so self-centered and me
unkind

Without
the light of Christ
I would be in darkness
unable to see my blessings
forlorn

Without
the peace of Christ
I would be most fearful
worrying about little things
timid

With all
God’s grace and love
His incredible light
peace from the heart of a Savior
comes hope

 

I shared this today for Open Link Night at dVerse Poets Pub, where Grace talks about punctuation in poetry.

Knock at the Door – A Trireme Sonnet

Joy, where’s my joy, I’m always wanting more
Lord, bring me peace and comfort is my plea
I find only stress and fear in this place

Soft knocking, I hear knocking at the door
A sound so sweet, it’s beckoning to me
I peer through the window, see His sweet face

He enters, in awe I fall to the floor
He bids me arise, all my fear does flee
I find myself in His heartfelt embrace

I found my joy in the One I adore
From the shackles of sin He set me free
We dine in the miracle of His grace

Finally I trust I will win the race
My Savior is here with me in this place

Last Thursday Sam Peralta shared a lesson on the trireme sonnet for the dVerse Poets Pub FormForAll. I didn’t have time to write one before the link box for that post expired, but I had one on mind that included Sam’s extra challenge to make it an ekphrastic poem, meaning it is inspired by a picture or painting. I plan on sharing this for Open Linke Night at dVerse later today.

I’ve included here the painting that inspired this poem. It is an old painting on a burl of Jesus standing at a door knocking. This particular painting of this scene, which is based on Revelation 3:20, used to hang in my in-laws house, but they gave it to us last year so now it is in my living room.

New Year, No Fear

This first day of the new year
I’m praying you have abundant cheer
Remember our Lord said “Do not fear”
For each day He will be near

The Spirit of Power Defeats Fear

For as long as I can remember I have been afraid of water. At our Women’s Retreat a few weeks ago, the topic came up several times during the second session in which we mingled and asked questions that were printed on the inside of our water bottle labels. Because the retreat had a beach getaway theme, there were a lot of questions about water.

During the first Saturday morning session, we sat quietly meditating on the sound of waves, focusing on our retreat verse, Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God.” During that meditation time, my thoughts wandered to our upcoming (now past) vacation. We had plans to go to the Redwoods in Northern California, but the Lord brought to my mind the jet boat trips that you can take up the Rogue River out of Gold Beach, Oregon. I tried to set this idea aside because the last time my husband and I took that trip about 18 years ago, I was terrified. I hardly enjoyed it because of the knots in my stomach from fear. But it just kept coming back to me.

So when I got home I suggested to my husband that we do the jet boat trip, and he loved the idea. We just took the 104-mile round trip up the Rogue with our son last Monday, July 4. It was a beautiful sunny day, with not a cloud in the sky. The scenery was awesome. We saw bald eagles, cormorants, osprey, turkey vultures, swallow nests, merganser ducks with ducklings, blue heron, deer, otter, turtles, a sea lion, and lots of dogs riding on rafts or out camping. We also had a terrific boat captain who made the trip extra special.

Blue Heron on the Rogue River

But the absolutely best thing about the boat ride was that about halfway through I realized I felt no fear at all. I thought of one of my favorite verses.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV).

The Holy Spirit prompted me to go on this boat ride and He took away my fear of the boat ride. I felt at peace, knowing that I could trust our boat captain, and that I could trust that God would not send me on a trip unless He planned to see me through. The Spirit of power that God has given me defeated the spirit of timidity and fear.

Faith and Surrender Just Out of Reach

Tomorrow I am going to the Rock and Worship Roadshow with MercyMe and Jars of Clay! I’m so excited, and I don’t have to wait in line hoping I get in because we got VIP tickets in the Jars of Clay section. A couple of weeks ago I bought two Jars of Clay CDs so that I could learn some more of their music besides their Redemption Songs CD, which is all old hymns.

Yesterday the song “Two Hands” caught my attention. The first verse and chorus are:

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull You closer
The other to push You away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I realized that this song describes me, using one hand to pull God closer, and the other hand to maybe not exactly push Him away but at least to keep Him at bay. I was reminded of my third post on this blog. It was an article titled “Deep Water Faith in the Shallow End” based on a song by Casting Crowns. It’s been almost a year and a half since I wrote that post, and I feel like I’m still standing in the shallow end. Okay, maybe I’ve moved out to waist deep, but the deep water is still out of reach. The ability to walk on water so that depth is no longer an issue has not come. I know it’s possible.

I’ve seen what faith and surrender can do, yet it is just beyond the hand that wants to keep Him at arm’s length. I can see Faith (the kind with a capital F, maybe it is all caps, I’m not sure) but as a shadow I am grasping for; it is just out of reach.

When I look back ten years, or even just five, I can see a big change in my faith. I’ve grown closer to God and I am not the person I was. I have much less fear and I trust more. But as I ponder ten years from now, I wonder if I will be able to look back and see the same degree of change. Will my faith be stronger still? Will fear be entirely a thing of the past? Will I trust fully and completely?

Life is a series of hills to climb and plateaus to cross. I feel like I’m standing at the bottom of the next huge hill, but instead of climbing I keep pacing back and forth on the plateau below. I pace and look at the Church around me, concerned about the state of the Church as a whole, about errors in teaching that I see coming from those who are called pastor. I see the rise of Universalism and point to that as a problem of great concern.

But then I realize, He is not calling His Church to draw closer to Him; He is calling each individual soul to a deeper relationship. Only when individuals grasp Faith will the Church be closer to Him. Only when individuals surrender completely to His Truth will the Church surrender and be healed.

If I had two hands doing the same thing, always doing the same thing, praising Him and pulling Him closer, I could grasp the Faith and Surrender that seem just out of reach.

Jumping from a Plane: I Can Do All Things Through Christ

Me and Dem free-falling!

In 1998 I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. Well, at least the skydiving company told me it was a perfectly good airplane, but once we left the ground and headed for 10,000 ft elevation, I started to have my doubts.

It was a small plane, and only the pilot actually had a seat. I sat on the floor in the back of the plane, in front of and strapped to my tandem instructor Dem (from Australia). The only other person in the plane was the photographer who took both still photos and a video of my jump. The plane seemed a bit rickety to me, but I’m no expert on small aircraft.

Now you might be wondering what would possess a young woman, a wife and the mother of a 3-year-old boy, to jump out of an airplane. Well, it happened like this. Since I was very young I have been extremely afraid of water. I don’t like to go out on boats and I definitely don’t care for swimming. I have had panic attacks in the deep end of a pool and absolutely refused to go in a boat on the ocean. (I have made one exception to this in recent years, but that’s a whole other story.)

Because of this phobia, my husband would tease me and call me chicken. My standard reply was, “I’m not chicken, I just don’t like water. To prove it, I’d parachute out of an airplane, as long as it isn’t over water.” Well, guess what I got for my Christmas in 1997? Yep, a tandem skydiving adventure. I didn’t actually go on the adventure until the following September as it took me a while to muster up the courage. (Okay, maybe I was a little bit chicken.)

You might also be wondering why I am writing about it now, and what it has to do with the theme of my blog, so I’ll tell you.

On the morning of my jump, I was pacing around the house, feeling a bit nervous. My dog Bette could tell and she started pacing with me. My husband and I got in the car to head to the airfield where the skydiving company was located, and on the drive down I kept staring out the window and drumming my fingers on the armrest on the door. The “training” took all of five minutes; I learned that Dem had packed the chute, what an altimeter was, and that Dem would pull the ripcord when we were at a certain altitude (which he would point out to me on his wrist altimeter). That was it. Now I was really nervous.

I kissed my husband goodbye and climbed into the aforementioned perfectly good airplane and we took off. Suddenly, all my nervousness was gone. I felt a peace come over me that I can only explain as having come directly from God. I thought to myself, “Well, I either land safely on the ground or I meet Jesus face-to-face today.” Whatever happened, everything was going to be okay.

I suppose I should have given a bit more thought to my 3-year-old who would have been left without a mother, and my husband who would have been left to raise him alone, if I went to meet Jesus, but somehow that worry just didn’t enter my mind. I was given the peace necessary to just enjoy the exhilaration of the experience and the wonder of what the world looks like from 10,000 ft hanging from a parachute. It was truly awesome!

One thing I learned about myself from this experience is that “I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (NLT). Before skydiving, I was afraid a lot. God had shown me in various ways that I did not need to fear, and He had taken away a lot of my fears, but this experience truly solidified for me that He is with me and I can do anything He calls me to do.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Now all glory to God our Father forever and ever! Amen. Philippians 4:19-20 (NLT).

As I mentioned above, there was a photographer on the plane. He’s the one who took the picture. He also took a video (which I have on an old VCR tape and need to transfer to digital format). He included three songs on the video that were just perfect:

• He started the video with “Fall Down” by Toad the Wet Sprocket, a song that asks “When will we fall down?” This was an appropriate song since after jumping out of an airplane, well, you fall down, and down, and down before the chute is pulled. It’s called free fall, and it’s really cool. But it’s only cool because you know there is a parachute that is going to catch you. As a Christian, I have the best parachute of all when I fall, and that is Jesus Himself.
• The second song was “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins (from Top Gun), which was so appropriate because jumping out of an airplane definitely puts you in the danger zone. But in truth, all of life is a danger zone as the enemy, the devil, tries to snare and deceive non-believers and Christians alike.
• The final song was “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” by Green Day. This was a nice end of the video because I did have the time of my life that day. It is a day I will always look back on and remember the peace I received from God, a peace that is exemplified by the more mellow nature of this song compared to the first two.

In my life, I know there are times I will fall down, and every day I enter the danger zone, but with Jesus by my side I will always have the time of my life!

Mercy Is Not for the Deserving, It’s for Us

Johnny Cash recorded a song, originally written by Nick Cave, called “The Mercy Seat.” It is a powerful song about a man on death row. There is no indication of what his crime is or what evidence there was against him. Throughout the song he repeatedly states that he is innocent, that he never told a lie, and that he is not afraid to die. We were listening to it in the car one time and my 15-year-old son commented that the last line was the most powerful line he had ever heard in a song. I’ve posted a video with the song at the end of this post in case anyone wants to listen, or you can read all of the lyrics here. The last verse is: 

And the mercy seat is smoking
And I think my head is melting
And in a way that’s helpin’
to be done with all this twistin’ of the truth
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And any way I told the truth
But I’m afraid I told a lie.

I’ve always assumed what he told a lie about was his innocence or the fact that he hadn’t lied before. But it occurred to me recently that what he lied about is more likely that he was not afraid to die. He knows he’s done wrong (even if not this particular crime) and he knows only mercy and death will release him from the guilt and fear. He knows at this point only God can save him; only God will show him mercy.

In Heaven His throne is made of gold
The ark of his Testament is stowed
A throne from which I’m told
All history does unfold.
It’s made of wood and wire
And my body is on fire
And God is never far away.

The other day on Facebook one of my friends posted an article about Julie Schenecker, the woman in Florida who shot and killed her two teenage children. Her comment on the post was “I hope she rots in Hell.” This friend is a Christian woman, and so I was a bit shocked by this because Christ calls us to be merciful. I posted my own comment that I didn’t think we should be hoping that anyone rots in Hell, no matter what they did. While they were murdering Him, Jesus said, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. Shouldn’t we do the same?

The response I got was that this woman killed her kids so my friend didn’t care what was going on in her mind or heart. She didn’t deserve a plea bargain (though any plea bargain in this case is likely to involve her spending a long time in prison) and didn’t deserve mercy. But do any of us deserve mercy? If deserving it was a prerequisite to mercy, well, it wouldn’t be mercy.

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8.

The world does not show mercy, but seeks vengeance. As Christians we should be different from the world. We are called not only to show mercy, but to love mercy. We should not pick and choose who we think deserves mercy and who does not, for none truly deserves the mercy that God shows to us. Instead, we should offer mercy to the most undeserving. Although from a societal standpoint we most certainly must have laws and punish those who violate those laws, from an eternal standpoint we should hope and pray that all who are in violation of God’s law would repent and turn to their Savior for mercy and forgiveness so that they would not spend an eternity suffering for their transgressions. We should hope that, before they die, they would confess “I’m afraid I told a lie.”

Outside Square One – A Poem

I wrote the first part of this poem in July 1996 in my journal. I was looking back at some of my old poetry, most of which is quite depressing. Not surprising since I was quite depressed at the time I wrote it.

But as I read over this poem, I realized that it was not finished. I am no longer in that place “outside square one.” I decided it was time to finish the poem.

The part of the poem in red was written in 1996. The part of the poem in blue I wrote this past weekend, though the events that the latter part is based on happened many years ago.

Outside Square One

Here I stand outside square one
With my back to it, I want to run

Here I stand outside square one
Looking in, I see a narrow path
Leading to square two

Square two is where I want to be
It’s full of happiness and security

But I cannot reach square two
By standing here outside square one
With my back turned to it

What if I take the wrong path?
Travel through square one
To a square less than none?

What if I end up in a place
Where I can’t even see square one?
Where only sadness and insecurity reside
Where I feel lost and empty inside?

Will I find my way back here
To stand outside square one?
Full of fear to step inside
Wanting only to run?

Could I see in, step in
And follow the narrow path to square two?

Then I see Him; His face shines bright
He calls to me of peace and light
“Follow Me and fear will flee.
Come to Me and you will see.”

The path is clear from one to two
And on beyond to a square
called Three
The square where I truly want to be

Where hope and faith, love and joy
Will never leave me
And I no longer want to run

I am in the presence of the Son,
My Father, and the Holy One

Did I Forget to Pray?

It has been almost a year since I wrote the post An Attitude of Kneeling about how I had begun literally kneeling to pray each morning. It has been a wonderful habit that has gotten me through many a difficult day. Prayer is such a powerful antidote to the human tendency to give in to worry, doubt, fear, and heartache. The devil tries to keep us down with these negative feelings and thoughts. I think God knew this year was going to be a challenging one for me in many ways when He spoke to me about the importance of kneeling to pray.

Paul, in his letter to the church in Ephesus, encourages the believers on how they can resist the schemes of the devil to paralyze them with fear and doubt, closing with the instruction to pray.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. . . . And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-11, 18.

But this weekend, for some reason, I skipped my morning prayer time all three days. I never even thought about it. Saturday was a day spent with my family, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and playing video games. Sunday there wasn’t time before church because we had to be there early so my son could be ready to run the slide show. Monday was a day off from work and I was busy writing on this blog and reading other blogs, doing more laundry, and thinking about what to make for dinner while my husband was off playing frisbee golf. I was listening to my iPod and the day was going fine.

Before I knew it, a dark cloud of worry, doubt, fear, and heartache came over me on Monday afternoon. There was a sadness in my heart that is difficult to describe. But still I did not pray.

This morning, back to my routine of getting ready for work, I kneeled to pray. It was then that I realized I had skipped my prayer time all weekend. By doing so, I had failed to “be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.” I had not put each day in God’s hands and asked for His wisdom and guidance. Had I done so, I would have been prepared for the doubt and worry that came to my mind mid-afternoon. I would have been prepared to take my stand against the devil’s schemes.

Many people dismiss the power of prayer, but in reality it is not the prayer itself that is powerful. It is God, on whom we call and in whom we trust when we pray, who is powerful. Prayer reminds us of the wisdom and strength of the Holy Spirit within us and puts Him in charge of our thoughts. Time spent talking with God, sharing our concerns and stopping to listen to His counsel, is essential in a world filled with difficulties and challenges. Often when I kneel to pray I hear Him say, “Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10. When I reflect on that thought, just knowing that He is God and that He loves me, because God is love (1 John 4:8), I am strengthened for the day and am reminded of the blessings He has given me.

Throughout the Gospels, we see examples of Jesus praying. If Jesus, who was Himself God incarnate, believed it was important for Him to be in communication with the Father through prayer, why should I be any different? If I am struggling through a day, just an ordinary day like any other, besieged by doubts and fear, the first thing I must ask myself is, “Did I forget to pray?” Most likely the answer will be “Yes.” Because if I remember to pray, if I remember to kneel before God and seek His wisdom and strength, I will be able to stand against the devil’s schemes.

The next time you are struggling through an ordinary day or a particularly difficult one, remember God is there to help you through. All you need to do is remember to pray.

The Psalm of the Impatient

Today is one of those days when impatience seems to be getting the best of me. I’ve prayed for something but have not yet seen the answer with my own eyes. I’ve proclaimed my trust that God will answer, but nonetheless impatience is knocking at the door. Doubt is incessantly ringing the doorbell, and I’m having trouble not opening the door and letting it in.

As has become my habit in such times, I turned to the Psalms. I went to www.Biblegateway.com and searched the Psalms for the phrase “how long.” This is, after all, the question of the impatient. How long, Lord, until You answer my prayer? It’s kind of like the whining kid in the backseat on a long car trip, “How long till we get there?” comes the question as you back out of the driveway, then again a mile down the road, and it’s repeated at intervals of 3 to 5 miles. It’s going to be a long trip!

Only now I’m the kid in the backseat of my life. So to the Psalms I go, and I find this gem:

Psalm 13

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

 ¹ O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
      How long will you look the other way?
 ² How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
      with sorrow in my heart every day?
      How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

 ³ Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
      Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
 ⁴ Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
      Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall. 

Wow, how is that for whining? “Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.” Makes me realize just how melodramatic my incessant prayers must sound to God. But He put this Psalm here for a reason. He knew we (I) would have days like this when impatience threatens to take over and cause me to just give up.

Then I come to the last stanza of the Psalm, and I am reminded of Who is in charge. I am reminded of Who I trust. I am reminded to go to the door and tell doubt and impatience to go away. Like the third little pig in his house of brick, if I don’t open the door the big bad wolf of doubt can’t get in. So I say to them “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin, I won’t let you in.” Then I read them the end of the Psalm so they’ll know they have no chance of winning.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love.
      I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 ⁶ I will sing to the Lord
      because he is good to me.

His love is unfailing! The road trip might be long and winding, but He will get me to the destination. He took the long trip from His throne to a manger and then to the cross so that I would know always of His unfailing love.

This is why I love the Psalms. I go there looking for words to use to complain to God, to cry out “how long, O Lord,” and I find words of comfort and faith. And so I will sing to the Lord because He has been and always will be good to me.