Mad Is Easier than Sad

As we enter the Lenten season, and I ponder the sins I struggle with, a thought occurred to me that encapsulates my struggle: mad is easier than sad.

In other words, when someone hurts me and I feel sad, it is easier to decide to be angry or mad about what they have done than to feel sadness. If I decide to be mad, then I can cling to the illusion of control that is absent in the midst of sadness.

But the control I feel really is only an illusion. When I choose anger instead of sadness, I have given over control to the devil because it is the devil who wants to see me angry and unforgiving.

As I opened my Bible to our scripture readings for the Ash Wednesday service last Wednesday, my eye fell upon a passage that preceded our reading. We were reading from Matthew 6, but my eye was drawn to these words of Jesus:

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” Matthew 5:21-22 (NIV).

This is not the only place in scripture where we hear Jesus telling us to not be angry. In fact, He says that if we do not let go of our anger and forgive others then we will not be forgiven. See Matthew 6:15. He also tells the wonderful parable of the unmerciful servant who is forgiven a huge debt by his master, but then refuses to forgive his fellow servant’s debt owed to him. Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV).

It is clear from scripture that as easy as being mad may be, it is not what our Lord wants for us or from us. Anger and unforgiveness are serious sins that need to be repented of. I must turn to God and ask His help in overcoming this sin.

As I thought about how much easier it is to be mad than to be sad, it occurred to me that the latter is not a sin. Nowhere in scripture (that I am aware of) does God tell us not to be sad and to turn from our sadness. In fact, in the beatitudes Jesus says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 (NIV). In Romans 12:15, Paul tells us to “mourn with those who mourn.” Mourning and sadness are not a sin, but an acceptable response when we encounter trials and tribulation. Even “Jesus wept” and mourned. John 11:35 (NIV).

During this season of Lent, my goal is to turn to God and turn away from the sin of anger; to seek His help in being more forgiving. I want to not take the easier path, but to take up my cross and follow Christ.

To Repent in Ashes and Sackcloth

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of the season of Lent. If you are interested in the history of Ash Wednesday, check out the Our Redeemer Lutheran Church website.

The focus of Lent is often on giving up something, of sacrificing something to draw us to a closer understanding of Jesus’ sacrifice for us. But this year for Lent, I think I want to focus more on the repentance aspect of the season that is signified by the ashes of Ash Wednesday.

Even in Old Testaments time, ashes were a symbol of repentance before the Lord. The prophet Daniel wrote: “So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes.” Daniel 9:3 (NIV). Perhaps this is what we should be doing for Ash Wednesday and during Lent – turning to God and pleading with Him in prayer, fasting, and in repentance. It seems to me this would help us keep our eyes more on Him and less on ourselves and our own sacrifice.

Jesus also spoke of repentance in sackcloth and ashes:

Then Jesus began to denounce the cities in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. “Woe to you, Korazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you. And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted up to the skies? No, you will go down to the depths. If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.” Matthew 11:20-24 (NIV).

We have been told of an even greater miracle than the cities of Korazin and Bethsaida. Eye witnesses have told us of Jesus crucifixion and resurrection – the greatest miracle that has ever happened! When we believe, we experience the miracle of having the Holy Spirit come to dwell in our hearts and the regeneration of our hearts that follows.

As we travel through the season of Lent towards the celebration of the miracle of the resurrection, the knowledge of this miracle should lead us to repentance. Dictionary.com defines the verb repent: “to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better.” To truly repent, we can’t just feel sorry for the wrong we’ve done, but we must also turn towards God and ask Him to help us do better next time we are faced with temptation.

So during Lent, I want to turn towards God and seek to know Him better. I want to be in awe of the miracle of His grace and love.

The Shepherd – A Poem

The other day I posted a “found poem” that my son wrote for his social studies class. After reading a bit about this form of poetry, I decided I wanted to try writing one. I thought of all the references to sheep and shepherds in the Bible and chose to focus on these references for my found poem. Biblegateway came in handy so that I could easily search and “find” the verses I wanted to include. I thought about including all of the scripture references as footnotes, but decided that would make the post too cluttered.

I’m posting this poem as my Thankful Thursday post because I am thankful that Jesus is our Good Shepherd. I am also thankful for the consistent theme of God as the shepherd of His lost and wandering sheep throughout the Bible.

The Shepherd

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
Hear us, O Shepherd of Israel,
You who lead Joseph like a flock;
You who sit enthroned
between the cherubim.

Like a hunted gazelle, like sheep
without a shepherd,
each will flee to his native land.
Save your people and bless
your inheritance; be their shepherd
and carry them forever.

He had compassion on them,
because they were harassed and helpless,
like sheep without a shepherd.
This is what the Sovereign LORD says:
Woe to the shepherds of Israel
who only take care of themselves!

Should not shepherds take care of the flock?
The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
“I will place shepherds over them
who will tend them, and they will
no longer be afraid or terrified,
nor will any be missing,” declares the LORD.

Then I will give you shepherds
after my own heart, who will lead you
with knowledge and understanding.
They will follow my laws
and be careful to keep my decrees.
And David shepherded them
with integrity of heart;
with skillful hands he led them.

For you were like sheep
going astray, but now
you have returned to the Shepherd
and Overseer of your souls.
And when the Chief Shepherd appears,
you will receive the crown of glory
that will never fade away.

For the Lamb at the center
of the throne will be their shepherd;
He will lead them to springs
of living water. And God
will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
So the LORD’s people will not
be like sheep without a shepherd.

But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
out of you will come a ruler
who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.
“I have other sheep that are
not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also.
They too will listen to my voice,
and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.”

He will stand and shepherd
his flock in the strength of the LORD,
in the majesty of the name of the LORD
his God. And they will live securely,
for then his greatness will reach
to the ends of the earth.

“I am the good shepherd
who lays down his life for the sheep.”
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

My Redeemer Lives and Gives Me Rest

The year 2012 has not started out that great for me the health arena. I’ve been feeling terrible and still don’t know for sure what the problem is, though hopefully will find out later this week.

Yesterday in particular I was feeling exhausted and weary, at my wit’s end. Then today, two things came to my attention that were an encouragement.

First, before church this morning I read the next 3 chapters of Job on my Bible reading schedule, chapters 17 through 19. In chapter 18, Job’s “friend” Bildad essentially tells him to quit talking about his innocence because it is clear that he is among wicked based on what God has done to him. Bildad is sure he knows that Job’s loss of family and wealth, as well as his physical ailments, are God’s punishment for Job’s wickedness.

Job then responds in chapter 19. He admits that God has struck him down, but still maintains that it is not as a punishment for any wrongdoing. Then Job says:

 ²¹ “Have mercy on me, my friends, have mercy,
      for the hand of God has struck me.
 ²² Must you also persecute me, like God does?
      Haven’t you chewed me up enough?

 ²³ “Oh, that my words could be recorded.
      Oh, that they could be inscribed on a monument,
 ²⁴ carved with an iron chisel and filled with lead,
      engraved forever in the rock.

 ²⁵ “But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives,
      and he will stand upon the earth at last.
 ²⁶ And after my body has decayed,
      yet in my body I will see God!
 ²⁷ I will see him for myself.
      Yes, I will see him with my own eyes.
      I am overwhelmed at the thought!
Job 19:21-27 (NLT).

I was encouraged by this passage for two reasons. One reason is that I realized how blessed I am to not have friends like Bildad. Instead, I have friends who are understanding and encouraging, who do not persecute me and tell me my physical ailments are a result of my sinfulness. The other reason is that it reminded me that my Redeemer lives, that Jesus will stand upon the earth in the end and that I will yet see my God. This current trial is only temporary but life with Christ is eternal.

The second thing that came to my attention was during the sermon at church. We are in week two of our pastor’s sermon series on mixed messages. The topic today was Trials, Tribulations, and Trouble.

There were several points to the sermon message, but the one that resonated with me today was the point about how hard it is to carry our burdens alone, and how that sends the wrong message to those around us. The world says we should suck it up and bear our own burdens. But the Bible tells us to help carry one another’s burdens and to rely on God to help carry our burdens.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV).

As an illustration of this point, our pastor had a glass of water. He asked what happens if you try to hold up a glass of water. The answer is that the longer you hold it up the more tired your arm gets and the glass feels heavier and heavier. But if you hand the glass to someone else and they carry it for you for a while, and then another friend steps in to help carry it, then the burden is easier to bear.

A prayer for my health was included in our Prayers of the People and I had several people ask what was going on after church. They all agreed to pray for me and encouraged me. I felt the weight of the burden of my health concerns lighten, knowing that others are helping to bear my burden in prayer. I was also encouraged by the reminder that Jesus is there to help bear my burden as well.

My Redeemer lives and He gives me rest when I am weary.

Sending a Clear Message

Our pastor started a new sermon series this morning titled “Mixed Messages.” It’s a five-week series on how, as Christians, we sometimes send mixed messages to the world about our Christian faith. We some send mixed messages about Jesus.

The specific topic this morning was money, always a sensitive topic with most people. We really don’t like talking about money or about giving it away. We don’t like to be scrutinized in this area of our lives, because we all tend to like our own stuff and our own money just a little bit too much.

And that’s just the point. As Christians, we should have the extravagant and generous mind and attitude of Christ regarding our money. It isn’t really our money anyway – it is a gift from God – it really all belongs to Him anyway.

Pastor Dave encouraged us to send a clear message about who Christ is by the way we give to those in need and in how we use the money that God has blessed us with. We need to send a clear message so that non-believers will know who Christ truly is and what the Christian faith is all about.

As I pondered writing this post, I decided to reread the passages in Matthew that I read last week as part of my Bible reading schedule, because I remembered I was reading the sermon on the mount. Not really wanting to write about money and mixed messages, I was trying to find something else to write on.

At first I didn’t find anything that spoke to me, so I read the section that I should have read either yesterday or this morning but I skipped my reading time both day. Here is the very next passage on my reading schedule, Matthew 6:19-34 (NLT):

Teaching about Money and Possessions

 ¹⁹ “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

 ²² “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. ²³ But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!

 ²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

 ²⁵ “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

 ²⁸ “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, ²⁹ yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ³⁰ And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

 ³¹ “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. ³³ Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

 ³⁴ “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Okay, so I get the message loud and clear! I need to pay more attention to what message I am sending to others in this area. Is it a clear message of extravagance and generosity in the image of Christ? Or do my selfish actions belie my words of faith? Where is my treasure stored?

I think these are questions we all need to ask ourselves periodically. We are human and are going to mess up sometimes; we are going to sometimes send the wrong message. But if we ask the Holy Spirit to guide us and to correct us, to help us send a clear message, then perhaps the world will hear the truth of Christ loud and clear.

Epiphany – A Poem

Tomorrow is Epiphany. Last year I wrote a post about what the holiday of Epiphany is about and why we celebrate it. You can read that post here, if you are interested.

I have a special recipe to post tomorrow, so I decided I would write an Epiphany post a day early. Since it is Thankful Thursday, I wrote a poem expressing my gratitude for the reason for this holiday – which is the appearing of Christ to the Gentiles (that’s you and me who are not Jewish).

Epiphany

The magi travelled from afar
following the bearing of a new star

The Jewish King of kings to see
the One who came for you and me

He could have come for only His people
then there would be nary a steeple

With His cross raised up high
where every seeking heart could spy

The truth that He loved us all
this Son of God who took the fall

The One whom to all mankind appeared
though by some He was not revered

With the magi let us follow His star
and worship this One who appeared from afar

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.” Matthew 2:1-2 (NIV).

Good Advice Not Followed – My Tuesday Three

A quote from Alice in Wonderland came to mind yesterday, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I decided to check the accuracy of my quote, and discovered that the way I remembered it must have been from a cartoon or movie. Here is how the quote appears in the original book Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, chapter 1:

‘Come, there’s no use in crying like that!’ said Alice to herself, rather sharply; ‘I advise you to leave off this minute!’ She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it). . .

The more this quote kept coming to mind as “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it,” I wondered why I couldn’t let it got and decided there must be a blog post in it somewhere.

That is when I realized that I have not been following my own good advice lately, and I have been feeling a bit blue as a result. I decided that for My Tuesday Three I would share three pieces of advice that I have given to myself and to my blog readers, but that I have not been following of late.

I suppose this post is really more for me than for all of you, to get me back on track and perhaps following my advice (which is really Jesus’ advice). But perhaps it will help someone else to see how good advice not followed is no use at all. It certainly got Alice into trouble, and so let this be a reminder to us all to follow good advice lest we get lost down a rabbit hole full of totally nutty creatures.

The first piece of advice that I have not been following is to regularly read and memorize scripture. Of course, I have my favorites that are memorized, and I at least read a Psalm every week when I post one for Psalm Sunday. But I am way behind in my Bible-in-a-year schedule. I know I should set aside at least 15 to 30 minutes a day to read my Bible, but I get distracted by other things and it is hard to find a quiet place to read. I try to read when I crawl in bed at night, but my eyes get droopy and I don’t get very far. Besides, that kind of reading isn’t very conducive to really meditating on and soaking in scripture.

The second piece of advice that I have not been following is to forgive others, especially the little everyday annoyances. Various people have been annoying me lately (I won’t name any names), and I’ve been hanging onto that annoyance instead of forgiving and letting it go. I’m familiar with Jesus’ teaching on dealing with a fellow Christian who has sinned against you and the parable of the unmerciful servant. See Matthew 18:15-35 (NIV). But I haven’t always been doing as Jesus commanded. I know holding a grudge is what fueled my major depression, and is probably what is making me feel blue lately.

The third piece of advice that I have not been following is to listen to the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26 (NIV). I’ve been hearing His voice lately, reminding me to spend more time in scripture, to forgive, to not be anxious about things, and to put on the whole armor of God. But I haven’t been heeding His voice. I’ve sort of been saying, “Yeah, yeah, I know,” in that tone you usually only get from teenagers and hate to hear.

On the positive side, however, I have maintained my regular prayer time, and that connection with God is the thing that has been keeping my head above water. If only I would follow my own good advice on these other habits, I’d be walking on water – just like Peter.

Outside the Darkness Is Color – A Poem

I wasn’t sure what to write today, so I decided to check out the dVerse Poets Pub writing prompt for today. The Saturday prompt has led me to a few good poems in the past, so I thought I’d give it a try again.

The prompt today is to write a poem that has something to do with color, to Play with Color. One part of Victoria’s post caught my attention: “Color depends on light, because it is made of light. In the absence of light, we do not see color.”

Outside the Darkness Is Color

Living in darkness
no color I see
a hint of deep blue
maybe red
but no, only blackness

Tears flood the darkness
trying to wash away
the blackness
to reveal the color
I know must be near

I’ve heard stories
of vibrant yellow sunshine
smiling green trees
happiness in rainbows
streaming across
a pale blue sky

But in the darkness
these colors
are but myths
draped in blackness
obscured by
the pain I feel

Then suddenly
the Light comes
dim colors
revealed to my eyes
for my heart to see

The Light
drawn by my tears
came to wash away
the blackness
tears alone
could never heal

The colors of
my world brighten
day by day
as the Light illuminates
the truth of colors
that were always
just outside the darkness

“Land of Zebulun and land of Naphtali,
   the way to the sea, along the Jordan,
   Galilee of the Gentiles—
the people living in darkness
   have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
   a light has dawned.”
Matthew 4:15-16 (NIV).

Compassion Is – A Poem

This week the word compassion has been on my mind a lot. My own struggles in life have taught me to be compassionate towards others and I believe it is an excellent characteristic to foster in our children. Dictionary.com defines the word compassion as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” Synonyms for compassion include mercy and tenderness.

I am thankful that our Lord teaches us compassion, even if it sometimes takes suffering ourselves to learn this lesson. The suffering of Jesus on the cross was a result of His immeasurable compassion and mercy for mankind. He greatly desired to alleviate the suffering of us who were dead in our sins, to redeem us from our lost state. For those who call on His name He was successful in His efforts.

This week I decided to write my Thankful Thursday poem on this wonderful feeling of compassion. I pray that we all will feel compassion for our family, friends, and neighbors, and that we would be enabled to alleviate their suffering.

Compassion Is

a warm hug
on a cold day

a tentative smile
in the face of pain

a heartfelt prayer
lifted high with praise

a hot bowl of soup
for an empty belly

a cozy blanket
when there’s nowhere to sleep

a kind word
where none has been heard

an invitation
to come in from weather

a song of lament
that shares in a loss

a sincere question
of what help can be offered

a promise of hope
from a Savior who loves

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:35-36 (NIV).

Jesus Understands Our Invisible Pain

So the last couple of posts I’ve mentioned that I haven’t been feeling well, that I have been in pain. Had the beginnings of a migraine two days last week but was able to catch it in time, and then started having a mild flare up of my fibromyalgia.

I really didn’t want to write about it, but then I realized that sharing my struggles with this syndrome might help someone else who struggles with invisible pain.

When someone breaks a leg, or suffers a severe burn, or is covered with cuts and bruises it is easy for people to see what is wrong and to sympathize. But the pain of fibromyalgia is invisible pain. From the outside the person suffering with the pain of fibromyalgia looks just fine, and so people don’t understand what they are going through.

It is also an unpredictable pain with no easily determinable cause or trigger. One day you feel just fine and you wake up the next day feeling like you got run over by a freight train. I’ve gone for months feeling fine, with very little pain, then suddenly every muscle in my body aches and certain movements cause sharp pains in my legs, arms, and neck.

I try to figure out why. I’ve had doctors give me conflicting theories of what causes this pain, and I have read conflicting theories as well. One doctor told me it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Another has told me it is caused by what I eat, by an inability of my muscles to process sugar that results in toxins in my muscles. Another suggested it is a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that stems from some early trauma. I have also read that there is a strong link between fibromyalgia and Epstein Bar Virus (or mononucleosis), which I had when I was in junior high. Finally, I have read that it is simply hereditary.

The pain of fibromyalgia is truly invisible. There is no medical test that shows whether someone has fibromyalgia. There is a “tender point” test in which the doctor checks 18 designated tender points on the body and if 11 or more are tender to the touch a diagnosis of fibromyalgia can be made. But even that test is somewhat subjective.

All my life I have felt pain in circumstances where someone else thought I shouldn’t have felt pain. I can remember saying something hurt when I was a kid only to be told, “That didn’t hurt.” This summer I experienced pain from something that didn’t seem like it should hurt. I was at my cousin’s house in Houston and his granddaughter was playing with three pine cones. She kept handing them to me to play with, but the sharp points started to really hurt my hands. I said I didn’t want to play anymore because it made my hands hurt. My sister looked at me and asked, “Does that really hurt?”

Invisible pain. It’s difficult to cope with sometimes. But I know that Jesus knows how I feel, and that give me a great deal of comfort. Although the pain Jesus experienced when He was scourged, beaten, and crucified was quite visible, He experienced an invisible pain, too. He experienced the pain of having the sin of the world laid upon Him and of His Father turning away as He cried, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46 (NIV).

If you struggle under the weight of invisible pain, take heart that you are not alone. Christ understands your suffering and your pain. You also have fellow Christians who understand what you are going through. The apostle Peter provided for us who suffer a wonderful encouragement in his first epistle:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.  1 Peter 5:6-11 (NIV).

Satan would love to devour us in our pain, to make us fall and cease to be of use in God’s kingdom. But if we cling to Jesus, cast all of our fears and anxiety on Him, He will help us to defeat Satan’s plans. If you are struggling with invisible pain and feeling like you are at your wit’s end, leave me a comment and I would love to pray for you. It would be a blessing to me to be able to ask our Lord to strengthen you and give you peace and comfort, that you might be enabled to stand firm in your faith. Would you do the same for me?