Category Archives: Life

Imperfect Me

Though I know I’m deeply flawed
And sometimes I fear I’m a fraud
Grace I do see
I’ve been set free
Because I am loved by God


Day 4 Lesson at Blogging U involves the topic of the imperfect, the form of limerick, and poetic device of enjambment. I think I managed all 3, though the limerick is not traditional in that it’s serious rather than funny.


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Who Was, Who Is, and Who Is to Come

“Yesterday is but today’s memory, and tomorrow is today’s dream.” ~Kahlil Gibran

You are the God who was so I’ll remember blessings of the past, often cast as woes and suffering amassed as memories unforgotten. Sometimes I dream that the past was perfect, filled with only laughter and merriment, but alas it was not. Still You were there. You are the God who is so I’ll trust that what You bless won’t turn to rust or cosmic dust. Sometimes I worry that I’ve wasted today, that my gift of the present will become another memory of woe. But then I remember who You are, today. You are the God who is to come so I believe all my days You’ll weave into an exquisite tapestry to which I’ll cleave. One day that tapestry will be but a memory, but a beautiful one as seen through Your eyes. You are God the Almighty, Alpha and Omega, beginning and the end, yet You call me friend and for eternity my dream of mercy defend.

Yesterday is gone
Today I dream in wonder
Tomorrow will come


This haibun is doing double duty. I’m sharing it for Haibun Monday #2 at dVerse Poets Pub, and I’m using it as my Blogging U Writing 201 Lesson #3 that calls for writing prose poetry with internal rhyme (with the added prompt of skin, which I chose to not incorporate).


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I’ll Call Her Cindy Lou

Someone said to name her
so I’ll call her Cindy Lou
It doesn’t take away the shame
of what I can’t undo

But now she seems more human
not just a cause for strife
Perhaps her death will matter
and save another life

Now I have a daughter
not just a memory of pain
She grew my heart three sizes
so God’s grace it can contain


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My View

I started a new Blogging U on Poetry. It’s a two-week course with a new prompt, form lesson, and poetic device each day. The prompt for today is screens, the form is haiku, and the device is alliteration. I decided to focus on the prompt and write a three-stanza poem made up of haiku.

My View

I view this world through
screens of my experience
I will share with you

What I believe is
colored by where I have been
and what I have done

My view is mercy
and compassion I needed
I’ll offer to you


Filed under Blogging, Faith, Life, Poetry

Blessings of Boldness

Being bold and courageous is hard and sometimes risky, but it’s always worth the risk. Last week when I posted my 6th Anniversary post, I mentioned that I was going to share on Monday about the blessings of being bold. But one of the two things I planned to share didn’t go as I had planned and so I didn’t write that post. After God added another blessing to the mix, I’m now ready to share.

Several weeks ago I wrote a post about my personal experience with Planned Parenthood. I was terrified to post it, but I did, on a Wednesday evening thinking no one would see it. That one little post ended up getting more views and shares in three days than I’ve ever had for any post. Some of my posts have been viewed more over the long haul, but never in such a short period of time.

Then, about a week later, I got a comment from Randy Alcorn (okay, it was from his media relations specialist) asking if he could re-blog that post. Of course I said yes, because being re-blogged by an author with his credentials is a great blessing for a relatively unknown author like me. Plus, it meant my story now has the potential to touch even more lives and be a blessing to others. His post including my re-blogged post went live on Monday here.

The next blessing came when I was bold and courageous to share my story in church this past Sunday. We are doing a sermon series on how God changes lives, and He has definitely changed mine. It was hard and risky to share my story, but it was well worth the risk. Afterwards I got lots of hugs, plus a few people who said they had been through something similar and that what I shared helped them. I also received some follow-up notes from some members of our church, including a handwritten note that came in the mail (those are my favorite kind).

I was all set to share the link to the audio of my testimony in my post on Monday, but it turned out that the recording got messed up and you couldn’t really hear it. There was a lot of static and my voice was so quiet that even when the static stopped for a second or two, you couldn’t hear me. I was so upset, because I knew there were people who had asked me to send them the link because they wanted to listen but weren’t able to come to our church that morning.

So, because I didn’t have the audio to share in this post, I had decided not to write it. Then I mentioned to my awesome husband that the audio had been messed up on my testimony and he replied, “I recorded it. It’s on my phone.” I was so happy and felt so blessed that he cared so much to have recorded it. I was able to upload it to SoundCloud and create the recording below.

And the triple blessing in all of this is that I discovered how easy it is to use SoundCloud and embed a SoundCloud clip into my blog, so now I can add audio readings of some of my poetry, too.

Anyway, the lesson for me this week is that God is good and often works to bless us even when we think He’s forgotten us or doesn’t care. That is the story of my life, but it’s also the story of the recording of my story. I was disappointed that He didn’t make sure the church recording of my testimony worked out, but He had a plan for me to see how much my husband loves me. And how much He loves me.

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My Blogging Anniversary: Pondering Deep Water Faith

Today is the 6th anniversary of the day I started this blog. I decided to see what I had posted that day. I’d forgotten how excited I’d been to start blogging; I posted 4 articles in that one day!

I thought I’d share one of those posts today and how things have changed since I posted it. The title of that post was “Deep Water Faith in the Shallow End,” and it said this:

I posted this awhile back in my notes on Facebook, so if you’ve read my notes you’ve seen this. But I’m having so much fun with how easy it is to blog, I thought I’d post this here, too. I can’t believe how  easy this is.

“Deep water faith in the shallow end” is a line in a song by Casting Crowns called “Somewhere in the Middle.” I’ve been listening to that CD in my car lately, and this line has really stuck in my head. As I hear it, I realize it applies to me. I have deep water faith. I trust that God can do anything and that with Him so can I. I trust that His plans for me are far greater than I can imagine, and that I will never be alone or lost as long as I follow Him.

And yet, here I stand in the shallow end of life. I don’t act on that deep water faith very often (though when I do I am amazed at the results). I wonder why I don’t just plunge into the deep end and grab hold of what God has in store.

The line of the song before this one is “reckless abandon wrapped in common sense.” Maybe that’s it. I listen too much to the common sense the world has taught me. I hear about what can’t be done and I think it to be true. I need to remember and believe that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Now that’s deep water faith.

So what’s changed since I wrote this? Well, God has literally taken me into deeper water than I ever thought I’d go when I went snorkeling in 2014, and when I snorkeled again in 2015 in even deeper waters. He did that by calling me to trust in Him, to have deep water faith. He used that literal deep water experience to teach me something about Himself and His faithfulness.

As a result, I have begun to venture into figurative deep water in other areas of my life, especially what I’ve been writing on my blog. I’ve written more about my story of suffering and pain, and how it led me to healing and redemption in Christ. God has given me the courage to share so much that I once felt I had to keep secret.

The results have been amazing blessings and a closer relationship with God. I’ll be posting about one such blessing of stepping out in faith and writing about my experience with abortion on Monday, but you’ll have to come back to see what it is.

But I still don’t think I’ve ventured into the truly deep water yet. I’m not in the shallow end anymore, but there’s still more I could write, that I know I need to write.

Last night I attended the Faith & Culture Writers Connection with guest speaker Romal Tune. One of the things he said resonated with me. He said that we are afraid to write what we fear we’ll be judged for, but that we have to remember that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). I realized that although there are certain things I’ve been willing to share, there are other things—I’ll call them the in between things—that I’ve wanted to leave out.

Then this morning I had an early morning dream—between being awakened by my husband’s alarm and finally having to get up for mine—in which I was going snorkeling, and someone I was with wanted to go out deeper. I refused, choosing to stay closer to shore in the reef area, because I was certain there were sharks in the deeper water.

And there probably are sharks in the deeper water of honesty and openness. There are those who will judge, but they don’t matter, because God has forgiven me by the blood of Christ. I will triumph “by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of [my] testimony.” Revelation 12:11.

And so, I’m going to venture into the deep water over the next year. I may not jump off the boat mid-ocean, but little by little, as the Holy Spirit leads, I will go into the deep water God has called me to.

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The End and the Beginning

Over at dVerse Poets Pub today Gayle is asking us to write Japanese death poems, preferably in the tanka or haiku form (though she said we didn’t have to adhere to strict syllable counts). I decided to write a tanka, which I’ve never done before. I don’t know if I followed all the rules, but I did stick with the 5/7/5/7/7 syllable counts.

My poem illustrates how I hope I will face death some day, at least this is my plan. I didn’t set out for it to rhyme, but it does, so there you go.

The End and the Beginning

My wandering over,
my suffering now to cease,
my eternal home
in sight, now my hope and peace
embracing the sweet release


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In a Heartbeat, in a Flash

Kanzen is tending the bar today for Poetics at dVerse Poets Pub asking for poems on change. I went to a new favorite form, the Kyrielle, and decided to touch on a topic that’s been on my mind a lot lately. I wrote an in-depth post on my change of position from being staunchly pro-choice to resolutely pro-life in this post, but decided to condense the story into this poem.

In a Heartbeat, in a Flash

Out of nothing God created
Life in my womb that was sacred
A heartbeat for change was fated
Pro-choice to pro-life in a flash

There once was a life unwanted
Another small heartbeat undaunted
Reminder to my heart haunted
Pro-choice to pro-life in a flash

Mourning the loss of the second
Remember the first, God beckoned
Repent, your sin may be reckoned
Pro-choice to pro-life in a flash


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Suicide Is Not Selfish

Today, Sept. 10,  is World Suicide Prevention Day. I decided to share just a little post from my perspective.

Often we hear it said that those who commit suicide are selfish because they hurt the people they leave behind. But if you’ve ever had suicidal thoughts or tried to commit suicide, you know that is not the case. (If you never have, it is very difficult to understand.)

I’ve only been truly suicidal once, but my thoughts were far from selfish. At the time, my actual thought was that my husband and son would be better off without me because I was so depressed and broken that I was no good to them.

Thoughts of suicide often follow a long pattern of trying to get well with little or no success. It stems from hopelessness and a sense of feeling like you are a burden to those around you. To consider suicide is to desire to unburden others.

Unfortunately, the thought processes of a person who is suicidal are just simply wrong. I know mine were. I can’t imagine where my husband and son (who was 1 ½ then and is 20 now) would be if I had gone through with it. They certainly would not be better off. That thought was a lie.

There is always hope, even when things seem the most hopeless. What a person struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts needs is love and hope. They need understanding and reassurance that the rest of us would not be better off if they were gone. They need to know we are there for them and that they matter to someone.

They need to know that God loves them and wants what is best for them, and that “This too shall pass.” But in the meantime, we are there to be a shoulder to cry on and a heart to confide in.

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The Wedding Is Only the Beginning

Today is the first Haibun Monday at dVerse Poets Pub. We were supposed to keep the prose portion of our haibun to two paragraphs and focus on nature. I started with nature but expanded my offering to God’s purpose for marriage.

The Wedding Is Only the Beginning

The sunlight trickled through the pine trees onto the wedding party dressed in sky blue and cream. It had been raining a mere 20 minutes earlier—always a risk for an outdoor wedding in the Pacific Northwest. But now everything was sunshine and smiles as the keyboardist played Here Comes the Sun while the flower girls held signs that said “Here comes your bride.” It was a reminder that into every life—and every marriage—both rain and sunshine will come.

Sitting in that sacred forest place, I was reminded of my own wedding 29-years-less-one-day before. My bridesmaid and the best man were dressed in sky blue, and the sun was shining that day, too, trickling through the stained glass windows of the church. There was no rain that day, but there’s been rain and storms since. But also plenty of beautiful, happy sunny days. Lots of love and grace and forgiveness. After all, a truly successful marriage—whether the wedding is outdoors or in—is the union of two people committed to actively loving one another and forgiving whenever necessary.

Say “I do” freely
with intent to forever
keep your promises


Filed under Faith, Family, Life, Poetry