Tag Archives: Death

Missing You

It never leaves
the pain, the heartache
of losing one so dear

Or one who should have been dear
but for youth and shame
that kept me
from truly knowing
and being known by you

I hid so much from you
I didn’t let you be there for me
as a mom should be

It’s not your fault
I know that now
but then I was afraid
I would disappoint you

Even at 23 your love
seemed scarce
but was only hidden
behind my own doubts and fears

If you were here today
I would tell you how much I love you
I’d share the love of Jesus with you
tell you how He opened my eyes
to your love that I could never see

I would celebrate with you
I’d make you your favorite pecan pie
with fresh whipped cream for your birthday
just as you always made my favorite
lemon meringue for my birthday
We’d marvel that you made it 90 years

But you didn’t, so we won’t
I’ll just miss you like I always do

___________________________________

Shared for Open Link Night at dVerse Poets Pub. Head on over and see what others have to share.

34 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Jesus, Life, Poetry

Dying Leaves

Green leaves burst forth
heralding spring, summer to come
Basking in sun amidst blooms
bright pink, yellow, orange

Magnificent beauty
Abundant life

It never lasts long enough
Tears fall as blooms fade
Leaves turn red, then brown
Crisply dying on the ground
Winter follows

___________________________________

For Quadrille Monday at dVerse Poets Pub De Jackson is tending bar. She’s calling for poems that include the word leaves “in honor of the season many of us crave.” As you might be able to tell from my poem, I am not among that “many.” I am not even close to ready for summer to be over. Not even close.

22 Comments

Filed under Life, Poetry

Triggers, Triggers Everywhere

Tears spilled from my eyes
Gushed, really
quite uncontrollably
Anger the apparent trigger
He wouldn’t listen
Then I realize the real trigger
This series of events:
Writing of Dad’s death
Hearing of Aunt Dot’s passing
Trying to save a few bucks
on airline tickets

______________________________________________

De is running the bar at dVerse Poets Pub today and calling for us to write a 44-word Quadrille using the word “spill.” Come on over and join the fun!

28 Comments

Filed under Family, Life, Poetry

Envious

I’m green with envy
Hearing you complain
About having to care for
Your aging father
It’s such a burden you say

What I wouldn’t give
To be planning my daddy’s
95th birthday party today

But there’s no party
No celebration
Only wishing him near

__________________________________

The prompt today at dVerse Poets Pub today is to write a Quadrille (44 words exactly) using the word “green.” The prompt isn’t live yet in my time zone, but I peeked at some other poets who have their poems up already to find out what the required word is.

My dad would have been 95, but he died 23 years ago so this is as close as I’ll get to celebrating his birthday.

36 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Life, Poetry

Remembering Dad

My dad was the best.

I remember when I was a kid how with gloved hand he would take each bullhead off the hook so I wouldn’t get cut by their spiky fins.

I remember how he taught me to shoot a BB gun in our backyard.

I remember how he let me play in the stacks of tires in his shop and then give me money to go get a Mister Misty at Dairy Queen down the street.

I remember how he would drive me to church and Missionettes and youth group meetings every week in middle school.

I remember when he took me shopping to buy my first pinstriped suit for speech and debate class.

I remember him saying he was going to buy me that Dodge Charger for sale on Main Street then bringing home a Ford Maverick instead because he got it for the price of the tow bill and a new engine that he put in.

I remember opening my mailbox at college and finding a card from him with the note “Here’s a little mad money for you. Don’t tell your mom.” and 20 bucks inside.

I remember that he came to my college graduation but not my wedding 4 months later because my mom was too sick.

I remember the huge smile on his face when he came to my baptism when I was 23.

I remember his last call, when he said “Come see me,” but I didn’t hear the urgency in his voice so I bought a plane ticket to Palm Springs for 2 weeks later.

I don’t remember who called to tell me he’d died a week later but I do remember the darkness that followed.

I remember the turbulence on the puddle-jumper from Portland to Palm Springs and wishing it would just crash.

I remember listening to “Indifference” by Pearl Jam and wondering if the pain of losing him would ever go away.

I remember many more things about my dad, but most of all I remember that he loved me and he died far too young.

——-
The prompt at NaPoWriMo today is to write an “I remember” poem.

4 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Life, Poetry

I Never Said Goodbye

January is the cruelest month
despite it’s shimmer of hope
It’s when cancer took you
I was twenty-three
Hadn’t yet made amends
for the pain I caused you
Still drowning in my own
Your death only added
to the shame
of not measuring up

________________________________

This quadrille is doing double duty today. It includes the dVerse Poets Pub word prompt from Victoria and offers my thoughts on the cruelest month for the NaPoWriMo prompt.

35 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Life, Poetry

It Was Murder

It was murder, pure and simple
He was an innocent man
the perfect spotless Lamb
and they murdered Him

If it weren’t for Nicodemus
and Joseph of Arimathea
His body would have been
devoured by a murder of crows

_______________________________________

The Poetics prompt at dVerse Poets Pub today is “for the birds.” De wants us to write poetry using one or more of the many names for flocks of birds. I decided to write about a murder, a murder of crows, that is.

16 Comments

Filed under Faith, Jesus, Poetry

Choices

A forced grin
a false I’m okay
are all I’ve got

It’s been three years,
three years today
since you left

with me not knowing
not for sure anyway
where you have gone

Heaven or hell
those are the choices
Which did you choose?

___________________________________

At dVerse Poets Pub today we’re writing Quadrilles with the word “grin.” Because today is the third anniversary of my sister’s untimely death-by-cancer, I knew I wanted to write something about that. Then Bjorn threw me for a loop with the word “grin,” which is generally a happy thing. But sometimes grins aren’t what they appear.

30 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Jesus, Life, Poetry

More Than a Friend

Preparing to attend today
the burial of a dear old friend
And by old I mean she was 43 years my senior

Still, I loved her like a sister
and at the same time she was mentor,
prayer warrior, confident, and encourager

I thought of the many friends I have
who are so much older than me
who will also likely be heading home
to be with our Savior before me

This is not likely to be the last funeral
that I will attend to honor
a sweet and dear friend

And then I pondered some new friends
Women who are younger than me
who are newer in their faith
and I realize I want to be
for them like a sister
But also a mentor, prayer warrior,
confident, and encourager

I want to be for them
what Norma was for me
What Carol, Lin, and so many others
still are to me every day

When it is my time to go home
and be with our Savior
I hope and pray that
there will be women like me
who will attend my service
feeling blessed by having known me
because I pointed them to faith in Jesus
and was His hands and feet in their lives

3 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Jesus, Life, Poetry, Women

I’m 95 Today

Today is my 95th birthday
and I’m tired
I can’t catch my breath
and my chest feels tight

And I’m tired, so very tired
It’s good to be out of that
awful hospital bed
At my daughter’s house instead

The trips from the hospital
to the rehab center and back
were getting old
Too old for this old lady
Too tiring for this old widow

I should tell you I’m 95 today
I don’t know why the Good Lord
doesn’t just take me home
I’ve been asking Him
for the past five years

I’ve told Him I’m tired
I don’t have the strength
to even get out of bed alone
And I miss Lou something awful

All I can do is pray
and so I do, I pray
maybe watch a little football

Did you know I’m 95, just today
It’s my birthday
I’m tired of birthdays
I hope I don’t have another

I’m just so very tired
I think I’ll just drift off
take a little nap
before family comes to visit
and they expect me to be social
Just a little nappy

Hey, what’s all this?
A birthday party just for me?
Lou, is that you? What are you doing here?
And Jesus? Is it really You?
You threw this 95th birthday party
just for me?
I always knew You loved me

___________________________________________

The prompt at dVerse Poets Pub Meeting the Bar today is to write in the first person. I do that a lot and so it didn’t seem like much of a challenge. But then Victoria suggested writing in first person but as someone else. I decided to write from the perspective of a dear old friend of mine who passed away a couple of weeks ago and whose memorial service I will be attending this weekend.

25 Comments

Filed under Faith, Family, Jesus, Life, Poetry